Mikayla helps out

My mom has been here to help basically every day since the twins came home. Thankfully. It's hard even with two people, but we survive when there are two of us.  My mom was already taking care of my niece Mikayla full time, so Mikayla now comes to my house every day to hang out with us.  I've heard it takes 1.3 people to raise a baby… which means even with my mom, we are 0.6 people short during the day. Mikayla is doing her best to be that 0.6 of a person!

Here's how she helps out!

Holding babies:

Making sure all the gear is safe by trying it out before the babies do:

Making sure their outfits are safe by trying them out before the babies do (yes, that's Mikayla wearing a 0-3 month outfit on top, followed by Amelia wearing the same outfit on the bottom):

Bringing the babies toys:

Teaching the babies about proper tummy time...

Feeding babies (after practicing on her baby dolls)...

Bathing the babies:

Pushing the stroller: 

Helping with their self esteem by telling them how cute they are:

And imitating their spit-up so they don't feel self-conscious...

Singing them to sleep:

And even helping with the household chores:

What a helper!!

Amelia's name

When we found out we were having girls, Boris and I settled on one name pretty quickly.  Amelia, after my friend Amelia Marguet.  I've had it in my head for a long time, but didn't bring it up on my own because I didn't want to force it on Boris. I was very pleased when he independently came up with the idea on his own.  It's a beautiful name, and Amelia was a beautiful person.

I met Amelia Marguet in May 2009 when we worked together as summer associates at Gibson Dunn.  I  liked Amelia right away. She has this "infectious laugh."  When she laughed, you just had to love her (although admittedly as a timid summer associate, sometimes I was worried that her loud laugh was going to get us in trouble when we were giggling in my office instead of working!).  She was an all-around, amazingly awesome person.  After law school I was disappointed to hear that Amelia decided to clerk at the Federal Circuit  instead of coming straight to work.  Good for her (very prestigious), but I wanted my friend to start working with me.  A year later, she finally joined us.  In my head I just knew that Amelia and I were going to be lifelong friends. I imagined we would hang out together all the time, and she would be one of my new bay-area friends.  When I had a rough day at work, I often found myself wandering upstairs to her office. Not wanting to bother her, I usually tried to come up with an excuse to be there, but in the end the result was the same -- we chatted about nonsense that had nothing to do with why I pretended to be there. It was usually the best part of my day. I regret not going to her office more often. I was so worried about being a burden and distracting her from her work, but looking back I should have gone anyway.

A few short months later, a partner came into my office to tell me that Amelia had died the day before. I was devastated.  Later that day I learned from Amelia's husband that she had taken her own life.  Another blow.  I struggled with the realization that this tragedy could have been prevented for months. It's still hard to think about. So many "what ifs." After I found out about the news, my first reaction was to go upstairs, I guess to talk to Amelia about it. It took a long time for me to truly realize she was gone.

Given that I had known her for only a few months, it's amazing how much of an impact Amelia made in my life. But that's just the kind of person she was. An amazing, inspirational, awesome person who probably had no idea how much she meant to those around her (myself included).  I hope to raise my little Amelia (and her sister Alexis) to be as kind, loving, and amazing as my friend Amelia Marguet.  Big shoes to fill. I've also always imagined, despite not being a religious person, that Amelia was watching over my girls when they were born. Their birth was so traumatic, and they needed a lot of help. Despite being 3 months early and only 2 pounds, they did better than almost anyone could have expected under the circumstances.  I like to think Amelia had something to do with that.

We miss you Amelia. You will never be forgotten.

Advantages of having a preemie

First of all, let me just state the obvious: having a preemie is NOT a desirable thing. I'll probably always have the urge to punch the women who "really hope they deliver early because they are SO uncomfortable!" Having a preemie is hard. Really hard. Not something I would wish on my enemy. It will probably take years of therapy for me to really get over the experience. But I like to be a glass-half-full kind of person, and I always try to see the good that comes with the bad.  While having a preemie is probably 99% bad, there is some good that comes with it. I've thought a lot about these good things and tried to focus on those instead of all the stress and anxiety that comes with the bad.

With that said, here are some of the best parts of having a preemie:

(1) I got to meet my sweet babies early. This is something I've thought about a lot, because you really do love your child more and more every day.  By the time I reached my due date, I had already known my kiddos for almost 3 whole months. I knew their personalities, I knew how to calm them, and I was completely and totally head over heals in love with them. I know women always say they love their babies before they are even born, but it's just different once they are born. Before I delivered, I loved my children, but more than anything I loved the idea of them. I knew I would do anything to protect them, but I just couldn't possibly love them like I do now. I feel very blessed to have watched them grow from a tiny 2 pound babies that needed a lot of help into strong, healthy newborns. Obviously it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine for 3 months - it was a very stressful time, but it was delightful to get to know my sweet babies.  Just look at them in all those photos where they weren't even supposed to be born -- how could we have missed out on the cuteness?


(2) I learned a lot about parenting before my babies came home.  I spent basically all day every day in the NICU with the babies.  On day one, I didn't understand anything the doctors and nurses were saying to me. By the end, they were offering me a job (kidding, obviously, but I really could do their whole job…. at least with respect to my own kids). I learned how to change diapers, how to give them a bath (so that they actually like it), how to take their temperature, what to look for to make sure they are breathing right, what to do if they choke, etc. etc. etc. The list goes on forever. The bottom line is that by the time Alexis came home, I was READY. I always assumed I would be one of those parents that freak out when they leave because they know nothing about raising a child.  Well I'm not saying I know everything, but in terms of day-to-day baby care, I know about as much as any other parent.




(3) My kids are on a schedule. In the NICU, your baby eats every 3 hours. They get changed every 3 hours. They get a bath on Wednesdays and Saturdays.  When our babies came home, we just kept that schedule going. We still give baths every Wednesday and Saturday. We still feed them (roughly) every 2.5-3 hours. We even have the same routine - change baby, feed baby, swaddle baby, let baby sleep. Repeat. Although obviously you have to throw in some "  The few times I have tried to deviate from this schedule have not gone well.

(4) My babies are used to noise. The NICU is LOUD. Alarms going off constantly. Screaming babies in every corner. Family visiting and chatting all over. Nurses yelling across the room.  Your babies just get used to it and sleep right through it. When we got home we didn't have light sleepers. You don't have to keep your voice down when they sleep. You just go about your business and they sleep through it.  Unfortunately that seems to be changing now that they don't have the NICU noise, but it was really nice while it lasted!

(5) It's easy/easier to shed the baby weight.  When I was pregnant, I was really worried about the "twin skin" (don't google it. It's gross).  Seems very common that people who have twins often have a big sack of skin leftover for a really long time after delivery.  I never had that (although as I've mentioned already, I would gladly still trade this for a full-term delivery!). Plus, when you deliver at 6 months, it's pretty easy to lose the weight.  I was able to walk around and drive myself 5 days after delivery, and fit into my pre-pregnancy pants less than a month after delivery. I got back to my normal pre-pregnancy weight (or at least close to it) in about 2 months.  So that's nice I guess. On the other hand, I really still grieve the loss of my full-term pregnancy. After I delivered I really missed being pregnant for a long time. I think when you carry to term and are fat and miserable, you are relieved when the baby arrives. I never had that. But this is a post about the good parts of having a preemie, so enough about that.

(6) I have a freezer full of breast milk.  I started pumping the day I delivered, and pumped 8-10 times a day until they came home (when I was able to start nursing more).  Since 2 pound babies don't eat a whole lot, I was able to save most of what I pumped, and only needed to bring in a fraction of what I produced.  Now that they are full newborn size, they eat everything I produce right away, and there isn't any extra. But I have a whole freezer full of breast milk that I can either use when my supply can't keep up with two giant babies, or for when I return to work.  It's really nice to know that I have a good backup… if I decide I want to drink alcohol and am worried about feeding it to them, I can just throw it away because I have plenty of extra.  It's a luxury not everyone has, and I'm fully aware of how lucky I am to have the extra supply.

Here is about 1/10th of what we have in the freezer: